btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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