Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
