I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
