no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
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We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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