Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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