Sponge bath it is.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
