I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
