I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
