Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
God, I missed his penis.
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