I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
