eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
