im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
