If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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