the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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