Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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