But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
