Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
