We got so high we made milksteak
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
