she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
