my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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