Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
