franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
