three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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