Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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