why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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