Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
