and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
