i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
