ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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