I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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