hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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