they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize