she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
