yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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