saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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