i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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