A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
