Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
