Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
