i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
