Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
