i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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