Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
