I'm laying in your front yard are you home
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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