am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
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I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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