My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
