and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
why is half of my head shaved?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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