I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
