i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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