this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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