I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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