just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
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Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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