I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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