Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
