If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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