i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
