Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
