you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
