Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I deserve this hangover.
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