If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
