I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
