I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
