dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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