two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
