So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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