were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
