im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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