dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
