he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
