My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
